Friends, I just cried. I mean cried. Have you ever been singing and then you are so very moved that you start crying and singing like the little old lady who warbles in the church choir? That choked up feeling where maybe you should stop singing but dang it these words mean so. much. that you just can’t stop. In fact, you get louder. Because you just HAVE to. . .
Oh, there are a couple of songs lately that just have me completely undone. It’s the imagery that creates this perfect picture of a resurrected Jesus that loves us SO MUCH.
Alone in my sorrow and dead in my sin
Lost without hope with no place to begin
Your love Made a way to let mercy come in
When death was arrested and my life beganAsh was redeemed only beauty remains
My orphan heart was given a name
My mourning grew quiet my feet rose to dance
When death was arrested and my life beganRyan Heath Balltzglier / Adam Kersh / Paul Taylor Smith / Brandon Coker
Oh, I just sing and sing and sing louder. And then, when I’m looking all crazy like and I’m just sure that everyone in the cars around me are staring and thinking I’m on a big, huge, crying bluetooth fight with my husband, (can I just say right here how much I love bluetooth?) this happens:
Our savior displayed on a criminal’s cross
Darkness rejoiced as though heaven had lost
But then Jesus arose with our freedom in hand
That’s when death was arrested and my life began
You guys. If you don’t know this song, after “lost” ALL MUSIC STOPS. Uncomfortably, for an enniagram 7 like me. Like, something is wrong. Like, many seconds pass. Silently. What’s wrong? Oh yeah, Jesus died. Then, with huge, serious, undeniable fanfare the musicians begin and JESUS AROSE. What? Yes! I don’t care if I’m at a stoplight. I’ll stop at all the lights. You want through, sir? Go right ahead. I’m worshiping here and I’d rather not stop.
So, yes. I’m on the road, headed home and spotify graces me with that song. But then, oh then, Reckless Love. Friends. Do you know this song? I’m just going to say Cory Asbury is a genius. That. Is. All.
In his song he talks about how very much God loves us. All of the images are “my favorite.” I’m an enniagram 7 (just google it) and I love everything. Everything fun. Everything smart. Every good party. I love. So, I can’t choose just one image. But, this is the one God was speaking to me tonight. “There’s no wall you won’t kick down, lie you won’t tear down, coming after me.” I can see it so clearly. I am married to an amazing dad. I know a lot of really great dads. A lot. And, I can picture them. Clear as day. Kicking down a door because their child is in danger on the other side. I can see that look on his face, that dad. Anguish. Fear. Heartache. LOVE. He knows that all he has to do is KICK DOWN the WALL! And the child is back. Back in his arms. Rescued. Oh, man. When I think of that, I LOSE it people. I just think that there’s this God and He loves me so very much that he is willing to kick down a wall for me. And, I see the anguish on his face because he so desperately wants to rescue me. He wants to find me. He wants me to be ok. He wants us to be reunited.
And then, I lose it again. This time for all. the. people. I know so many people who just don’t share this love. Maybe even you. Maybe you’re reading this and thinking that’s crap, Heidi. Whatever. No God’s ever shown even a tiny bit of that kind of love towards me. Oh, friends, I disagree. So, in my car, driving down the road, warbling like a crazy person, moved and choked up and just plain heartsick, I lose it for you, too. I want everyone to feel it. I want YOU to feel it. Feeling known and loved is the best feeling in the world. Better than that first sip of coffee in the morning. Better than running barefoot through freshly cut grass. Better than brushing your teeth with a new toothbrush for the very first time. It is undeniably the best feeling in the world. You are loved. You are. You are loved by a God who will KICK DOWN A WALL for you.
As all of my favorite millennials say “I. Can’t. Even.” What do you say? What is the response? How do you pay it back?
You don’t. You can’t. You just accept it for what it is. And, I do.